An Ashy Pall: My daughter allocated Monday as her Christmas shopping with mom day. I showed up at the apartment almost on time and saw that the staff mini-van had not returned from dropping the apartment-mate at the DSO. Since I am on the lease and have the key, I entered the apartment. Just as […]
special needs apartment
What Should I Wish For? Update on Adult Special Needs
Hurricane Sandy: Strange how the Halloween season has become a natural disaster magnet for the Northeast. Fortunately, our daughter’s Halloween festivities were celebrated prior to Sandy’s hit. She dressed as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, with a toy Toto in a basket and a brown wig perched atop her head, and attended two parties. […]
The Red Couch Is A Year Old: 8-9-12
The Red Couch Is A Year Old: The Ability Beyond Disability services manager, mover and shaker of our daughter’s residential component, invited the two moms and the residential staff to lunch to mark a year since the ladies moved into their cozy duplex/CRS (Continuous Residential Support) on August 1 in Ridgefield, Connecticut. The atmosphere and […]
The Busy Life Of A Special Needs Adult: 6-25-12
Swimmingly: In the last six weeks our daughter’s special needs adult life has been going along swimmingly, pun intended. She participated in Connecticut’s Special Olympics aquatic state finals, including spending two nights in a Southern Connecticut State University dormitory. She received a medal for her excellent riding (her “seat” as they call it) at the […]
A Humbling Journey with Warts and Blemishes for All To See: Part 2: 3-27-12
Jeez What An Adjustment: Since our daughter moved into her CRS on August 1, 2011, I have struggled to define the parameters of my role as mother in the new order. The fact that as of July 1, 2012 our daughter has become the responsibility of the State of Connecticut and a client of Ability Beyond […]
Super Good Week: 12-5-11
A Complete Program: Last week ranks as the first ever where all pieces of our daughter’s independent adult life were up and running. Miraculous. For starters, she went to three volunteer jobs, and none of them had a glitch. Ridgefield Crossings, the senior residence, gave her the task of escorting seniors to their yoga class. […]
War: 11-18-11
The Honeymoon Is Over: Coming off of her Katy Perry moment replete with a meet, chat and photo-op, I was hopeful, with a measure of trepidation, that our daughter would return to her CRS in good spirits and a bountiful heart. Alas, no such luck. Her mate was battling her own demons this week, some […]
Medicaid Mix-Up But Power! 11-01-11
Waiver Whatever: I took our daughter to her doctor and ran into a bunch of bureaucratic glitches that broke my spirit for the moment. Unfortunately my condition was frightfully contagious and my poor daughter caught it. Bored Yet? Not to belabor the boring, of which I am often guilty, the Doc’s prescription for an antibiotic […]
Power-Less Sorceress: 10-31-11
Happy Halloween: There are 800,000 households out of power in the State of Connecticut. Our daughter’s CRS is amongst them as well as her folks’ abode. Her bro is blessed to live in his “rabbit hole” in NYC, stocked full of power and all the carrots he can eat. The second power outage since the […]
Two Moms Celebrate: 10-26-11
“A Celebration of Ability”: As planned, my husband and I met up after work at the Ability Beyond Disability annual meeting last night, aptly named “A Celebration of Ability.” Neither our daughter nor her apartment-mate attended, though there was an exhibit of their CRS (Continuous Residential Supports) replete with photos of the ladies. But it […]
More Than One Mother: 10-15-11
Cozy Comfort: Last evening I dropped by our daughter’s apartment to deliver her dog magazine and a Pegasus announcement of a pumpkin-carving party next weekend, and while there, was able to take the pulse on her mood after her “misunderstanding” with a staff member. She looked great, was having popcorn and watching a movie with […]
Witch/Which Mother? 9-28-11
Witch Mother Makes An Appearance: Today is a grey, wet, merciless looking day. It started out decently between my daughter and me. I met her at the apartment with the intent to shop for PJ’s. The new furniture, ottoman and two side tables, fits like a glove. No problem, no defects. But my daughter’s room […]
Holes in The PJ’s and Snagged: 9-27-11
Sphere: This was a SPHERE day for our daughter. She and her apartment-mate joined a small number of fellow SPHERE members on a visit to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. Normally on a Tuesday she would be at her DSO program but she chose to go on the field trip. I […]
I Am Busy With Something: 9-25-11
Other Family Matters: I was busy today with other family matters and called our daughter early this evening to catch up. She didn’t pick up on her cell so I called the apartment phone and her staff person told me of their day, which included a movie about a dolphin who lost its tail, a […]
I Believe In Dreams: 9-21-11
Catching Up: Since our daughters moved into their new home about seven weeks ago, the other mother and I have not chatted. All was going well and we had the freedom to take care of other aspects of our lives. Today we finally caught up to make some decisions on coffee tables, ottomans and side […]
DSS Messes and A Scary Future: 9-19-11
DSS: The Connecticut Department of Social Services, which handles the entitlements of Medicaid and food stamps, has decided to mess with my head in the last week or two. I can imagine how this must feel for folks who are more handicapped, cannot get to the DSS offices, or have few family members to deal […]
Purposeful Blogging, Pass It Along: 9-15-11
Get Started Now: Our daughter has been participating in the Ability Beyond Disability adult program for 2 plus months with the residential piece in place for the last 6 weeks. As I track this transition to independent living with supports, I am mindful that readers who have more recently joined this narrative may not benefit […]
How Smart Is Humor: 9-10-11
A Necessary Balance: I had to cancel our UGGS (boots) shopping yesterday. Rescheduled for next Saturday due to a previous commitment to my husband to head down to Cape May Point, New Jersey if the weather were good. And so it was. Our daughter handled the delay well but I didn’t. I felt that I […]
Uggs, No Hugs: 9-8-11
30-Day Review: The meeting yesterday reviewing the first thirty days of adult independent living was a kind of love fest. The conference at Ability Beyond Disability had nine staff members, our daughter and myself. When I walked in at 12:30 our daughter was seated at the table nibbling on a bag of cheese crackers and drinking […]
The Thirty Day Meeting and Temporal Awareness: 9-7-11
Pending Good News: I received a voice mail from the Pegasus people to say that our daughter has a 95% chance of being in the Fall riding program. We will find out Thursday. At 12:30 today the Ability Beyond Disability staff and our DDS case manager meet at an ABD office to discuss the last […]
No Dad’s Paintings Please: 9-6-11
Love Her Spunk: The Ridgefield CRS apartment is a pretty stylish place these days. The residential coordinator picked out an area rug for the living room, a runner for the hall and hung some curtains to soften the noises being emitted from the red couch. Both the coordinator and the other mother, having seen her […]
One Mother Wanted To Schmooze: 9-2-11
The Check In: Thirty minutes after I published yesterday’s post, our daughter called; “Hi.” “Hi Sweetie, how are you?” “Good.” “How was your day?” “Good.” “What did you do?” “Well…” And she went on to describe a trip to the recreation center, time on the treadmill, a visit to Puppy Love, a local pet store, […]
Yearning For Return: 8-30-11
Disruptive Despite The Fun: These are hairy times in so much of our area. Though I find consolation in the continuous party atmosphere, reassuring myself that though our daughter’s been dislocated from her new home, she is enjoying the adventure, in fact she is yearning to return to “my cozy little apartment and my apartment-mate.” […]
She’s Back: 8-29-11
The Empty Red Couch: Irene brought our daughter home. Irene, the hurricane of 2011 who will go down in East Coast history as a late summer mini-series of dramatic proportions, exerted her force on many a family unit. In our case, she imposed significant bonding momentum in our circle of immediate family and neighborhood friends. […]
Awaiting Irene: 8-27-11
Day 1: Our ferry trip and drive across Long Island were blue sky perfect. By 6 PM the mighty Atlantic was surging with perfect swells for body and board surfers. Pint-size bathers were playing in the shallow puddles produced by the surge. The pause before the storm revealed an enchanting interlude of innocent children in […]
Did You Miss Me? 8-23-11
The Chocolate Lab Comes Home: Last evening my husband and I visited our daughter at her apartment, bringing both the stuffed dog and her real dog, Ms. Wags, aka Waggy, whom she hadn’t seen since August 1. I had the feeling that our daughter really missed us this past weekend. She called many times while […]
The Night Shift and Supplemental Needs Trusts: 8-17-11
Unrealized Fears: The other mother and I had worries about the nighttime staff. The two women had appeared sleepy and detached at the all-staff introduction only a few short days before the girls moved to their new apartment and alarm bells related to nighttime, new home and strangers in charge rang loud in our maternal […]
Deluge And Delay: 8-14-11
Falling Behind: Today we lunched with delicious cousins who practically rowed up in the deluge of rain that poured the distance between Westchester County and Ridgefield and back again. They delightedly posed for pictures on the red couch, lunched and left for home leaving our daughter and her mate happy and feeling loved. Now I […]
A Trot And A Halt: 8-13-11
Pegasus Summer: Sadly, our daughter’s summer riding program ended this morning. She trotted, halted and went on a trail ride displaying balance, focus and progress beyond my expectations. Much is due to her awesome instructor, Liz Fortis. Though on the waiting list for Pegasus’ Fall program, our daughter will definitely attend the winter “unmounted” program […]
A Date And A Cake: 8-11-11
Celebrating Again: A dear friend and colleague who lives three doors down from our daughter’s apartment visited last evening with her daughter, a cake and a splendid bouquet of yellow flowers. My husband and I escorted the ladies out to a local restaurant where our daughter regaled them with her take on Planet of Apes, […]
A Visit From DDS: 8-10-11
Yesterday’s News: Our outstanding Connecticut Department of Developmental Services case manager visited the young ladies’ apartment yesterday. She sent me an email to express how much she liked the apartment, how happy the girls seem to be and what a wonderful job Ability Beyond Disability has done in fulfilling the record keeping requirements of DDS. […]
Funding A Life and Some Polo Play: 8-7-11
Polo and Work: Dad reported wonderful things about our daughter’s Pegasus riding yesterday. The students were mimicking polo play, holding foam sticks aimed at balls on cones; even the horses were being trained to nudge the balls off the cones. She trotted, rising high in her saddle, followed by leaning so far forward that a […]
The Quesadilla Maker: 8-6-11
The Redheads Come To Call: One P.M. yesterday, just as advertised, our visitors rang the doorbell at our daughter’s new apartment. Mother and daughter drove 3 plus hours southwest to welcome our daughter to her new home. They came bearing gifts in colorfully wrapped packages, both eager to support our gal’s new life. Our daughter […]
Off To The City, Feeling A Little Giddy: 8-4-11
Facebook Cheering Squad: Before I head off to NYC, I must report that viewing my Facebook page and seeing the comments folks send to my daughter, comments from family, her friends, my friends and her brother’s friends, touches me deeply. I posted photos of the girls’ “installation” into their new abode and the feedback, “love […]
I Like This New Phase: 8-3-11
Dropping By: I like this new phase. Daughter lives twenty minutes away and requests some items. I drive over and drop off the items; we chat, go over her requests, I watch her proudly hang up her chains and bracelets on the jewelry lady stand the staff gave her, and then I leave. Pretty darn […]
Successful Launch: 8-2-11
Celebrating With Balloons and An Earache: Truly all went smoothly yesterday. Aside from an earache, probably swimmers ear (she is being taken to her doctor today by staff, amazing), the move-in was a triumph of coordination and readiness. Seven ABD staff members were present, setting up, cleaning or just greeting our daughter and her apartment-mate […]
A Poignant Passage? 8-1-11
Or She Is Just Growing Up? Our daughter doesn’t seem to be registering this transition as different from her return to boarding school each semester. Nor does her dad. The great leveler of all things emotional, he describes the process as signifying that “She is just growing up.” True, but somehow there is some legality […]
The Chocolate Fountain and Mom’s Cognitive Confusion: 7-31-11
The Summer of Love About To End? Tonight is the final night home…tomorrow’s dawn introduces the new regime. For six weeks our daughter has conducted two on again, off again summer romances via cell phone conversations, Facebook and texting. Once she moves into her apartment new rules apply. This social romp, with no face-to-face encounters […]
Night Time Fears: 7-30-11
A Team of Caretakers: Ability Beyond Disability, our service provider agency, is hoping that the program developed for our daughter and her apartment mate will serve as both a template and a model program in the State. Utilizing the CRS residential category (a Connecticut Department of Developmental Services (DDS) model that translates to Continuous Residential Supports For […]
Bed Made, Now Sleep In It: 7-29-11
Apartment Ready: Yesterday our daughter worked at the Ridgefield Library straightening out the books. She also went swimming with her job coach at the Ridgefield Park and Recreation. All is proceeding beautifully. They then had a brown bag lunch (my daughter makes her bologna sandwich the night before) and came back to the family home. I […]
Haunting Scenarios: 7-28-11
Supermarket Couples: The images of elderly moms and middle-aged special needs adult children walking down the aisles of local markets always haunted me. Long before I had my own special child, I would see these twosomes and wonder what would happen to this special adult when their parent died? It all seemed so sad and […]
When Will We See Her Again? 7-27-11
Gulp: Today I spoke with our residential coordinator from ABD who is busy tying up loose ends, training staff and figuring out the Wi-Fi conundrum. I asked her about the move-in day, August 1. “Do we just send her off to her DSO (Day Service Options) at 9 a.m. and then she goes home to her […]
Count Down: 7-26-11
Ready Or Not: I think I am ready for the hand-off. More importantly is our daughter? I think so. I’m beat. But this is not about Mom. This is about our daughter and I think she is ready too. Home is good but it includes a “nagging mom” and nagging moms, at some point, are […]
How Do You Teach Gratitude And Hurrah For The Other Mother: 7-25-11
The Dining Table Deal: While we were blissfully removed from the angst of Wi-Fi and cable installation (not happening) enjoying a weekend by the sea, the other mother was nailing down the rest of the kitchen list and buying the living room television. Brava, Other Mother! And even better, she saw the dining table I […]
Successfully Installed With One Glitch: 7-21-11
Danny and The Truck: Interesting how you can monitor delivery by the moment. Tracker Bob, or whatever it is called, keeps you guessing, but gives you answers. It’s just that they keep changing the answers, up, down and sideways. However, I did install myself in the Ridgefield apartment which joyously has central A.C., with my […]
No Cable, No Move? And Mucho Dinero: 7-20-11
No Kidding: 8:33 P.M. last evening our residential coordinator emailed that installation of the cable Wi-Fi system failed yesterday due to antiquated wiring. Hey, that sounds like me, antiquated wiring and some fraying around the edges. Her staff requires Internet access immediately upon move-in and it wasn’t certain that cable rescheduling with re-wiring is possible […]
The Red Couch: 7-19-11
So Little Time, So Much To Say: This morning, after dropping our daughter off at the Day Services Options program, the other mother and I met with the ABD service manager for DSO programming. What unfolded was most reassuring. My daughter and her future apartment-mate are two members of a newly formed group of 12 young […]
The Day Ran Away With Me: 7-14-11
Furniture: Though there is much to write about our daughter’s last two days in her program, I will leave that for tomorrow. Today I spent three hours buying bedroom furniture, because I realized at 5 a.m. last Monday, that it was less expensive and more pragmatic than dragging her bedroom here to there. With her […]
A Flip of a Coin and The Illusion of Permanence: 6-26-11
So Far So Easy: The new apartment has one large bedroom, clearly the master, with two fairly spacious closets. The other bedroom is a good size with a small closet. This could be a real challenge for two young ladies to come to terms with, but not our gals. At least not initially. A coin […]